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We’ve all heard the infamous first date rules. You know the ones like never order pasta, don’t ask awkward questions and never bring up strenuous topics?
While these rules are put in place to offer some kind of hope for a second or even third date, I think when it comes down to actually having an open and relaxing conversation, those rules are bogus.
If you love pasta, order it. The worst that could happen is you spill it all over yourself—OK that’s embarrassing, but that could happen with any dish, and it makes for a great story. Even better, it shows that you’re open to relax in a new situation with a new person.
Secondly, awkward questions instantly bring out the best or worst in people. Let’s say you jokingly ask something like “who’s a virgin here?” you’ll both either laugh it off or it can open doors for much deeper topics, and not just about sex. Talking about virginity almost always leads to discussing religion, politics and on a lighter side, bedroom etiquette.
I also often find people are reluctant to ask questions that have to do with their date’s past relationships. I’m talking about questions like, how long was your last relationship or have you ever cheated? My only advice is to use your best judgment. Questions like these make for great discussion, but the answers can be lethal. I would save those gut wrenches for a later date, but if you’re looking for brutal honesty the first time around, go for it. And guess what, if your date does answer honestly, that shows great qualities like transparency and courage.
Some of you by now are probably thinking, whoa—stop the bus! Are topics like religion, politics, virginity and past relationships even allowed for discussion on a first date? Absolutely! If you’re serious about dating, get to the good stuff first. Most of us wouldn’t read an entire novel without reading the summary on the back or the preface in the beginning; so why should we treat a first date any differently? Get a good feel for the guy or gal the first time around, and you’ll quickly decide if they’re worth your time.
Now although it’s 2011, and traditional first date rules have basically been thrown out the window, I have to side with the guy who bolts for his car when his date brings up topics like marriage, kids and the white picket fence. These topics are great to talk about… later on down the road. I’m not against someone bringing up these topics in hopes to discuss one another’s general feelings or opinions about such things, but when one starts voicing his or her concerns about needing marriage or needing children, it adds unwanted pressure on the already strenuous first date atmosphere. So like the past relationships situation, I’d save it for another time.
It’s a first date, though, not the end of the world. Just remember to have fun, relax and be yourself.
We all — or most of us — have that person who makes us feel extremely sexy for… an hour a month. Who? The infamous fuck buddy. You get a text at 1:00 a.m. that reads something like, “I’m lonely. Come over?” And you’re automatically sucked back in to the all too familiar no-strings-attached sex with that guy or girl who’s “too hot to ignore but not at all my type.” Sound about right?
Anyway, you’ve just had the greatest sex of your life since the last time you saw this person a month ago, but it stops there. You’ve gotten your rocks off, and that’s it. You watch them leave or you take the well-known walk of shame, and it’s done. You wash the sheets and move on… until the next time, of course.
Don’t get me wrong—a fuck buddy is good for a lot of things. It’s most times monogamous sex with one person. It’s someone you can share an innate sexual experience with, and there’s no pressure from either party about taking it any further. It’s a person who understands that the both of you are physically attracted to one another, and sex is just a way of relieving that mutual physical attraction. There’s no real emotion, and there’s no heartache. For some, it’s the perfect set up.
But what happens if you start to want a relationship with this person? Is it even possible? Think about it—a fuck buddy is basically a relationship without or with little communication, so it’s destined to emotionally fail. It’s purely physical. You’d have to start at square one, and that kind of relational build-up can be difficult with someone you’ve known so physically well for months, or even years. There’s no element of sexual surprise. I like to think of it as fuck buddy limbo—a half-house between no-strings-attached sex and a functional relationship.
A friend of mine once said he was fed up with having a fuck buddy because it made him feel like he was incapable of truly loving the other person for who they are as a human being. He looked at his fuck buddy like a piece of meat, but once he tried to take it further and actually create a friendship, his fuck buddy vanished.
We can also run into the situation when our fuck buddy starts adding other people to their repertoire, or they meet someone else who they’re starting to fall in love with. And BOOM, you’ve been tossed to the side. It can get dramatic and spiral out of control, and isn’t that the opposite of why we have a fuck buddy in the first place?
We’re trying to have sex for no other reason than to tap into our animalistic sexual nature. For some it works, but for others it’s a broken system that creates failed friendships. How do we find a middle ground? Should the fuck buddy system remain separate from our “real-life” relationships? Tell me what you think.