I know it may seem strange– a Fusion blogger hates talking about being gay? Well, okay, I only dislike it, and only sometime. But there are a few things you have to understand.

I am always asked the same questions. How do lesbians have sex? Do gay women have to be dykes? Do dykes want to be men?

I understand that people need to ask these questions, and especially those who have never even met a gay person. But frankly, it’s common sense. We fuck the same way heterosexuals do: with fingers, tongues, and toys. And yes, most heterosexuals do use some combination of these. Gay women don’t “have to” be anything, just like heterosexual women don’t “have to” be anything. We lesbians just put up with so much shit for our sexual orientation that we stop caring about narrow-minded ideas about gender expression. Also, dykes do not want to be men. Women who want to be men are called transgendered.

Sometime the questions I hear are just flat-out hilarious though.

“Can lesbians wear lingerie?”

Yes, I have been asked that question. My first thought was, “will I burst into flame if I try to put it on? Is that what this chick is asking me?”  What came out of my mouth was, “Yes. Everyone likes to feel sexy, and lingerie does that for many people, gay or straight.”

But, the best is when I tell someone I’m gay. Everyone seems to think that I need their approval. When I “come out” the person I’m speaking to will frequently make a “panic” face and proceed to assure me that they don’t have a problem with it.

I didn’t come out yesterday. I don’t care about whether or not you have a problem with my sexual orientation. If you don’t have a problem with me being gay, then why flip out when I inform you? If you don’t “approve” of my sexual orientation… do you really think that’s going to make me enjoy lesbian sex any less? Or be in love with my girlfriend any less?

Usually if the individual in question is respectful, I will answer whatever question he or she throws at me. But the fact is– google exists. Books do too. I’m pretty much done with the ignorance.

Relationships are always messy, and breakups messier. This is especially true when we feel humbled in regards to our sexual prowess. What people fail to remember, though, is that sexual orientation has nothing to do with sexual prowess. Let me break it down for you …

flickr.com/JasonPratt

Straight girls: If a boy breaks up with you because he realizes that he’s gay, it does not mean that you are ugly, you’ve gained weight or whatever.

Straight guys: If a chick breaks up with you because she realizes she’s a lesbian, it has nothing to do with your penis, its size, your muscle mass or whatever.

Lesbians: If a girl breaks up with you because she realizes she can’t love a woman that way, it’s not because you’re inadequate and can’t get her pregnant or whatever.

Gay guys: If a boy breaks up with you because he realizes he can’t love a man that way, it’s not because of your penis size, that you’re prettier than him, or whatever.

Everyone: People are just people, and sexual orientation is not a choice. No one wakes up in the morning and decides to break your heart by “switching teams.” It’s okay to lick your wounds and feel hurt, but just recognize the situation for what it is. When someone switches teams, it’s because her sexual orientation is preprogrammed, just like yours.